don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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