There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just blew my weed a kiss
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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