I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
