He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
