you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Randomize
