There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
