i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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