I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
