i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
