He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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