I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
