I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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