wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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