I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
