Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
