I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
