just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
