Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
