so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
