Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
