i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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