And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
