I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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