I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
