This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
