do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
