Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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