You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
