It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
