Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
