I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
