One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My cat gives me a boner
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
