Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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