PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
