Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
