Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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