He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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