Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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