so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
