do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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