matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
