the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
