Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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