Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
