Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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