BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
