i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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