what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
