I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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