So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
