You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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