Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
