windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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