there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
