I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
