She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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