HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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