Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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