What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
