Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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