in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
