Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
