I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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