other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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