6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think my tv is drunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
