Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
