you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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