dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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