I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
