My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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