dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
