you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
