Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
