Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
