TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
