I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
