I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
