Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
