Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we're so committed to being not committed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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