tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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