I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
