mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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