He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
