And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
