So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
