Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
