tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
